.

2012-02-16T02:06:00.002+08:00

Life is really boring. Feeling so lifeless with nothing to do very day. Working next month. Not looking forward at all. Theory exam will also be next month. Havent touched theory for so long alrdy. Hopefully i will study and pass the exam. Dont wna waste my dad's money. 30 days to theory exam... :l

2012-02-13T09:56:00.002+08:00

I got another chance to fly to Thailand with my 2 aunts and my grandma during end of March. But i had to reject cause i dont know when i have to report to school. Im actually kinda worried for school, having to make new friends, high gpa to get into university which means need to work 101% hard, the list goes on. I dont know how im gna survive school especially it isnt the one that i wanted...

Went to Zoo with my family on Saturday. I felt alittle weird at first but it was fine when the time passes. Definitely felt like a kid there, wanting to see this and that. But i got tons of mosquitos bite. It was a great day there as i was with my family!

Appeal?

2012-02-01T00:42:00.001+08:00

Anyway i really hope there's someone or something to decide for me. I really cant decide anything, im forever procrastinating. Someone please save me :(

2012-02-01T00:06:00.003+08:00

Walao eh. I accidentally deleted my previous post. -.- Okay i shall just re-post it. Damn!#$)@^#$*!

Cousins went back Thailand alrdy. They came for 2 weeks. Miss the two monkeys. They are damn naughty and violent. And they love to hit people's butt. Miss showering for them, eating with them, playing games together, quarreling and all. They really love quarreling over everything. I hope they will be good sisters when they grow up! Anyway, i was supposed to go Bangkok with them on Sunday. My aunt was like persuading my dad to let me go for 1 - 2 weeks since i got nothing to do at home. But my dad didnt allow cause he bu fang xin let me go alone. Cause i have to fly back on my own if i go there with them. He say if want go together with my family. Hopefully will be able to go in March! I wna shop there and see my cousins!

Anyway my JAE posting results is out. Not really satisfied but i thought i could just get over it after thinking for awhile. But my dad wants me to appeal... There's actually not much courses for me to appeal. I feel like i have disappoint everyone that has high hopes on me. But i promise i will do well. Please dont give up on me. I texted you yesterday but you didnt reply me. I was damn stuck with my posted course and my dad. I thought you could console me or help me with my choices. But you ignored me... Maybe your feelings for me isnt the same as the past anymore.

Im really sorry i missed your birthday. I forgot about it until someone told me. I wanted to call you at 11.55pm and even set a reminder for it but i fell asleep. I saw you at school but i pretended not to wish you happy birthday cause i wanted to call you. I thought it wouldnt matter if i wished you cause you got a girlfriend now. But i still feel kinda guiltity cause you always called me on my birthday. Someone told me you guys were close. I wish you guys will last long! and happy belated.

2012-01-17T01:50:00.002+08:00

Submitted my JAE and JPSAE on the last day of submission. Kinda regret my JAE alrdy... Anyway, i think my JPSAE is wrong... At the second page of the jpsae, i click the course den they didnt give me the box to write or anything. So i didnt do the max 500 words for my course. Sucks. I think i do wrongly alrdy la. Stupid sia. Redo also give me same thing.................. Sighhh. Confirm fail alrdy la. :(
My cousins are over at my house till end of Chinese New Year. They are damn cute but too naughty. They are okay but sometimes they just fight over one thing and they gives me a headache. They cant seem to do their homework properly, only know how to play for the whole day. Haha. Anyway, their homework are alot more den ours. The stress of being a K2 and Primary one kid.
Havent been watching Running Man, maybe gna catch abit of it later heh. Might be working but i really dont know where. I miss secondary school. Cant believe im gna be a poly year one student soon. Look how old i am, how fast time has passed. I dont wna go through those, find new friends and stuffs. I really suck. I dont wna be alone for the whole three years in poly. I hope someone talks to me. :( Need to get a job, keep myself busy from all those stupid thoughts.

results.

2012-01-11T23:40:00.002+08:00

Hmm... Okay so i wasnt nervous till the day of the results. I cried while Eriqa was collecting her results. haha. i dont know why but i havent see my results i cry alrdy. feeling such a crybaby. anyway, my sist was around so it was so awkward... my results was... okay i guess? my parents seem satisfied with my results but hmm... maybe i wanted a below 15.. its the 3rd day of the JAE thing alrdy and i have not chose my course while some of my friends submitted it alrdy?! dang i feel so lazy. hopefully i can submit by tomorrow. but sigh... dont even know what i wna do in the future. my future seems like its in the hands of my parents instead. my parents wna decide for me but they give me a little space of freedom. so....... well anyway... gotta think carefully. maybe gna apply for jpsae since my results cant really give me anywhere to go..

2012-01-08T23:53:00.003+08:00

3 days of poly open house. Heard about many courses. Went to all the polys. But Esther and me went Temasek poly for like 15 minutes only... Courses that im interested in are all so hard to get in. The cut-off point will always be a problem. I can't believe that its alrdy 9th. Results, results & results. Im really scared that i will disappoint everyone. Trying to be positive but i keep fogetting to be positive. Tears of happiness or tears of sadness?

Os.

2012-01-04T16:03:00.001+08:00

I dropped a tear when my sist said, "You will fail your Os.". I don't know what I said to make her angry, but before that she said, "don't be a show off.". Something like that. I won't be able to handle the truth of my results. So scary, so depressing and so disappointed. I know I haven't worked hard enough to get good results. But all I hope for is below 20. I know many people have worked hard, and hard work will never let them down. But me? I didn't work hard. Haven't put in my best effort. All I did was slack and sleep. I feel damn lazy. During the period of Os, I kept on telling myself I have to study hard and make my parents proud, get good results, have a good future, earn money and be good to my parents. But all of that was just words without actions. Now I am regretting not working hard that time. But I can't do anything now. I guess I can only pray hard. I don't want to waste another year repeating my Os. My family have high hopes on me, and I'm really scared that I will disappoint them. And also, I don't want to cry when I get my results. I don't want to cry when my parents talk to me about my results. They might just force me to retain. Those courses that I'm interested in, are no longer my future, they are just my dreams, something I wished for and nothing else.
Monday, 9th January, 2pm.

Episode 41.

2012-01-04T13:49:00.001+08:00

I went to rewatch the last part of episode 41 of Running Man where Joong Ki is leaving. Sigh so sad to see him not around in the future episodes... There would also be difficulty in separating the Running Man into groups as its odd number now. Tears sure rolled down my cheeks for the second time.

2012-01-04T11:38:00.001+08:00

Waking up to an empty house... That even emptier feeling when im feeling empty enough. How long will that be?

RM.

2012-01-04T00:35:00.004+08:00

Just finished watching episode 41 of Running Man. Joong Ki's last show for Running Man. So sad... I kinda cried when they announced. Hope he will be back soon... Now there's only 7 Running Man left. Joong Ki, Gwang Soo and Ji Hyo cried. Sigh so sad!! :(

Late night conversations.

2012-01-03T02:40:00.005+08:00

I dont know why but im almost pouring everything out to you. They just come out and i cant stop them. I always think of something to say before you decides to stop the conversation. Everytime you stop, my heart drops. Im stepping out, im making the first move. Staying up just to chat with you.

You & you.

2012-01-03T01:38:00.003+08:00

Whenever i see the blue toy-keychain thingy on the shelf, i really want to teleport back to that day. Which the guy(?) who threw the thing into the music room storeroom while i was reading Yakuza Moon alone while the others went for lunch. But the Malay dancers were practicing in the music room. I wished i went to chase that person who threw it in. I wished i knew who the person was. If im not wrong, it happened during my sec2. It's been 2years plus alrdy... & i still dont know who the person is... Can you just tell me who are you and why did you throw it in?! Was it really for me or was it meant for someone else or you just found the window open so you threw it in or whattksdjfoajege?! Sigh i really want to know who are you.
I feel like texting you so much but im holding back. I dont know why im holding back but i feel so distant from you. I keep thinking that you dont miss me anymore, you dont love me anymore but i just want you back. I dont know if i miss you is because you were someone who was always there for me or i have fell in love with you. Im so confused. Im always confused.... What am i supposed to do without you here?
Jogging later on, like finally. Havent exercised for ages. Hope to sweat out all my worries.

#lastdayof2011

2011-12-31T01:01:00.001+08:00

Thank you 2011 for all those happy and sad memories.

Forgotten easily.

2011-12-29T23:43:00.001+08:00

Everyone forgets what I do. Forgets that I'm not invisible. Forgets that I'm always here.
Everyone only remembers that I'm here when no one is there.

2011-12-29T01:19:00.001+08:00

Surprised dad with his cake in the morning. He was kinda shocked. I think he's happy! Haha. Met Si Ning for awhile and she gave me a present. I was stressed over what wallet to buy and now I don't think I need one anymore cause she bought me one! It's so cute. Si Ning is so nice! Anyway, Kiam Pei and Yong Leng wished me happy birthday today. Though it's late but the sincerity is still there. I need to wake up early tomorrow to grandma house. Bet I won't be able to wake up but my mum is sure gna pull me out of bed...

no candles

2011-12-28T00:32:00.002+08:00

No candles on my sweet 16? No candles = no wishes :( Okay i actually wished at 23:11.. Mum gave me money to get myself a cake. I got a small Fudge Brownie or something (i cant remember, but the auntie said that it is rich in chocolate) that cost 2.90$. But im satisfied with it! But i didnt eat it on my birthday. Should have eaten it. It was seriously just any other day. Its so normal like... i dont know.
Sist and me decorated a cake for dad at Icing Room. I thought i could just make it more special for my dad this year as its always on my birthday that we blew the candles together. So i thought i should let my dad blow candles on his birthday. Even though its just 27th and 28th. I know he wouldnt mind but yeah. I wanted to like surprise my dad. He goes to shower den when he comes out we could sing happy birthday with the cake. But my sist is asleep now... Plan failed......... sighhhhhhhhhhh.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY DAD! <3

birthday.

2011-12-27T00:29:00.003+08:00

Gna list down the people who wished me!:
Klinsmann, Yang Keng, Jie Le, Ru Rong, Umair, Shu Hui, Ayu, Christian, Roy, Rausyan, Rachael, Roseanne, Fiona, Marcus Oh, Erica, Hamizah, Yu Ting, Syafiqah, Esther, Nicholas, Eriqa's mum, Si Ning, Jamie, Pallet, Wei Lin, Tommy, Yunie, Mervin, Goodie, Alicia, Budi, Mdm Koh, Meng Sing, Jocelyn, Ching Fang, Li Yan, Jovi and my family. Belated: Ellenca(on 28th), Kiam Pei(on 29th), Yong Leng(on 29th).
Thank you so much to all these people. Especially those who remembered my birthday by heart. I might not have many people who wished me, but im glad that there are friends who actually still bothered to!

16th.

2011-12-27T00:08:00.003+08:00

Cant believe im alrdy sixteeeeen. I was kinda shocked caused i received a phone call at exactly 12am. Its Klinsmann, okay he's so nice cause he always calls me on my birthday! So followed by... Yang Keng and Jie Le! Why are the first 3 all guys... Eriqa sucks cause she wished me 10minutes earlier and she didnt wish me anymore. RuRong, Umair, Gugu, ShuHui, Ayu wished me too. hehe. Was sort of shocked and touched when ShuHui texted me cause its like 3 years since we saw each other? Well... maybe its because my birthday is a day before hers so she just randomly remembered. So... thats all. Wishes kinda ended after 12:13am. I feel so... unsocial. Geeez. Hope i will receive a call from you! Its kinda too much, a text will do too. Its a coldddd birthday. Not much plans today, just a day with house cleaning and family.
Today is just any other day.

Dreams.

2011-12-26T10:58:00.001+08:00

Why do you keep talking to me in my dreams but not in real life?! Every time I wish it was true, den I wake up... The disappointed feeling. When is it gna be true? I miss you...

Merry Christmas!

2011-12-25T23:42:00.001+08:00

Christmas is ending in around 15minutes. Sigh you didn't text me... Christmas doesn't feel like Christmas this year. And it's so cold.. Always wanted a white Christmas. The fluffy snow!⛄

Christmas!

2011-12-24T05:11:00.001+08:00

Didn't realise it's alrdy Christmas Eve. I dont even have the Christmas feeling. Time really need to slow down. Terrified for 2012. holding back to text you in December. All I wna know is whether you will wish me. Sighhh...
Happy Christmas Eve!

Presentzzz

2011-12-23T23:05:00.001+08:00

Grandma gave me an angbao last week as an early present. Today I received an Elmo earpiece from Er Yi and an Elmo iPhone cover from my sist. Oh but my Er Yi paid for the cover. But the cover is for iPhone 4... Luckily my dad help me to cut the silent on and off button.
Hmm... I was just wondering whether you will wish me on my birthday...

Wrong, wrong & wrong.

2011-12-23T14:02:00.001+08:00

Okay so my sist passed her Ns with flying colours. Happy for her. Now I feel pressured.
So... I asked you why you didnt sleep early and asked you to sleep earlier and all I get was why you care so much? So I'm wrong to care? So if your crush cares for you it's wrong too? I'm so... I don't know. I always have this I-don't-know-how-to-explain feeling... I'm always wrong for everything!!!

sist.

2011-12-19T01:07:00.002+08:00

Good luck to my sist for her N level results! I hope she can get into sec5 and study hard.

pushed away.

2011-12-19T00:30:00.004+08:00

I thought you hated her? Now she's back to being your bff? And you got yourself a 'boyfriend'. And im pushed all to the side. I thought you still remembered me. In the end, i was all wrong. I dont know what to do with all those things you said to me. Were you lying? Now you seem to be having some secrets about me with her. Maybe im too paranoid, haha...

confused again.

2011-12-16T12:14:00.003+08:00

Im so confused. You told her everything? Someone that you hates? Someone that you complains everyday? You even went out with her... Hmm... You didnt even tell me anything. Maybe i was wrong to be angry? I dont know. I just feel so confused now... I wish there's always someone i can confide in. Maybe i was wrong, maybe its just me being sensitive and all. Im so confused...

To: E

2011-12-16T02:58:00.005+08:00

You know why im just faking im not there and all? Im not mad at you cause you got yourself a online boyfriend. Im mad cause you just pangseh-ed me when he comes to look for you? He's just a maybe 5minutes boyfriend and you just throw me aside when your 5minutes boyfriend comes to look for you? You know what? I wanted to sleep like way earlier but cause you didnt want to sleep so i decided i could just accompany you. And you know what you did? You just simply "dc-ed", onlined back and ignored me. Oh well... You have a boyfriend now and who am i? Who am i compared to him? I am just nobody to you. Oh maybe someone that will be visible only when nobody talks to you? You seem so two-faced now. Stop saying others, look at yourself first. Im so disappointed...

I feel like junk, i feel so invisible to everyone.

foreveralone

2011-12-15T11:42:00.004+08:00

Havent went out with any of my friends since Os ended. Except on 11 November, Grace was so bored so she came my house. Im like staying at home every day. Yeah... I feel like a loner sometimes. Sigh!#$@%^! Okay im gna meet Eriqa later. Holidays seem to pass really fast eh? Havent started working. Have been procrastinating when i should start work but its like the 3rd week of December alrdy. Time really flies~ I wish i could just turn back the clock to where its suppose to be and change whatever things i want and not just sit here thinking about it all day long. Im actually quite regretful thinking about how i didnt really study hard for my Os. I just kept on thinking what i should do if i got really bad results. Mum told my sist if she fail her Ns, she's only got a choice which is repeat. Ugh.. So if im gna fail my parents are gna make me repeat too?... I just realised that i havent been thinking of you. I was wondering whether; have i forgotten about you?, or isit the fact that i havent seen you for so long, or whatever.

2011-12-11T03:11:00.000+08:00

What's wrong with my life?

Moved on or Trapped?

2011-12-07T16:20:00.000+08:00

Hello. Im back to blogging. I dont know if anyone would actually come here, but i just need somewhere where i can write all my nonsense. I dont know if i chose this blog url back is because i want to tell everyone i have moved on or im still trapped in the past. Sigh, so confused. I cant seem to change my background colour, so im gna be stucked with pink. But i really like the layout. I hope i will blog often. Still wondering whether i should get my tagbox up. Havent told anyone i got my blog back, so if you actually came here, give me a text?